So what did we learn from this one, children ?
1. Never trust the devil, or now you mentioned it - anyone named Mr Nick.
2. Without Percy, the Doctor would most definitely have had to settle for a midget.
3. Lily Cole shouldn't
4. Heath Ledger's eyes should never ever ever be blue. Idiot costume designers.
5. Blinking in this movie could cause you to lose some of the plot.
Naturally, I had to see this film; as did everyone apparently - the cinema was so packed that the girl next to me had to spray deodorant. No no, I'm quite serious.
However, if Heath Ledger had so wonderfully lived, would this film have got so much press ? Most certainly not. Would it have got rave reviews ? Most probably not. Too much happens too quickly for the average person to take in.
It is comical, though; maliciously entertaining stuff. Good old Verne Troyer to take the whole 'I want to adopt that black baby' thing. HIGHlarious shizzle.
Don't ask me about what happened directly - because I'm a bit fuzzy around the edges. Basically, Lily Cole's character turns 16 and therefore belongs to the devil because of a deal her father did with him several billion years ago. Blah blah blah. In fairness, it should be fairly straight-forward, but then throw in Heath Ledger's character, Tony, and it seems that the whole plot is completely thrown out of the window. Who is Tony? Don't have a clue. Even HE doesn't have a clue until a quarter of the way through the film. Some sort of horrid past, some sort of scheming future. We're onto a winner in the 'I'm so lost I could cry' department.
With Heath dying and all of that drama, Johnny Depp became a version; creating a romantic, swoon-worthy, magical magician character. Mmm. Jude Law was pants. Sorry, he was. The best Jude Law has ever acted was in A.I. -as a robot. Shame.
Colin Farrell scared me, and I have no idea why. Maybe it was his unstoppable force of a character, or maybe it was his shocking similarity to Heath that unsettled me. Whatever it was, it left a bad taste in my mouth, and I'm a Farrell Fan.
Heath's accent was well dodge! Haha. Artful Dodger I should make that. Boy. He was wonderfully wonderful, but also kind of boring. I felt like he wasn't given enough time in his life to shine in the movie - the parts in the Imaginarium would have highlighted his character more, sad he didn't get to film them. But then if he did, would this film have been so wonderfully weird ? The Deppster would have been absent for sure, and that would have been a damn shame. But then, Heath's absence from the Imaginarium was more than depressing also. We'll never know.
Happy ending, though. Lily Cole (who has shockingly large breasts) marries Anton (a weedy, but kind of cute performer from her father's troupe) and has a wee ginger child. Awww. Father sees from window and is happy. Awww. Percy the 'vertically-challenged' one gives the trampy father a job. Awww.
Heath's dead. Nope, still stuns me to silence every time.
I'm tired.
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